Us humans require so much. And most times, we put forth only a portion of what we are requesting. Naturally, the majority of people will reserve a small bit of themselves no matter what. Through romantic relationships, best friendships, work, church, hell even from ourselves... Whatever. We reserve that portion of us to prevent many things, like heart break and foolish mistakes to name a few. Then on the other hand, we beg and plead and search to find out every single iota of information about others. Why? Well for starters, the unknown is fascinating. We always imagine that there is so much left to learn about people and things, and at the same time are never even willing to offer up our shadowed truths and things that we often consider flawed. I think it’s unfortunately more common to thirstily search for information that was never for us, than to just remember that the sole reason for our existence is just to love. Whatever or whoever it is that you believe in, weren’t we made just to spread, create and indulge in… Love? I know what you’re thinking, somebody get Corinne Bailey Rae outta here. I get it! We’re taught to be cold and withdrawn from the world, very seldom are we reminded of how deserving we are to be loved and to give love. Very seldom do we give out 10x as much as we require. Very seldom do we even recognize the fault in these habits. I’m guilty, I can name 5 people I interact with daily who are guilty. So now what? How do you unlearn adults and form new habits of love and forgiveness? You don’t. You focus on just becoming what you look for. You focus on creating everything you desire and exist for, within yourself, first. Then you give it to those who need it most, and even those who don’t.
Waking up one day and realizing how far you are from where you thought you’d be, is scary. For a while now, I’ve found myself deflecting from this very topic I bring to you all today. I’ve been acting out selfishly, spending countless nights and days with worry filled in the pit of my stomach. I’ve been carrying a tension headache for days on end, and battling with demons whose only wishes are to see failure and demise. I struggle. My baby steps to happiness and light requires transparency. Someone somewhere may need to see that all that glitters isn’t gold. Oh but what joy is there in KNOWING your strength and overcoming your falls. I share this because 28 year old me wishes she could speak with 22 year old me and give her a heads up. I share this because my purpose here is to help and encourage. Through my posts, through my failures and gains… I am still learning. I’m nowhere close to where I want to be, but I am basking in each step. I could spend days apologizing for the strife I manifest in my crazy head, or I could focus on good sh**t and forgiveness of self. I don’t know the remedy to happiness. I don’t know any funky equations to make apple pie out of 3.14(nerd fart) but, what I do know is that love is always an answer. Love should always be the start and ending to everything. Honestly, on my hardest, saddest days, it’s the one thing I can always offer. It’s invisible, for the most part intangible and most importantly it’s free, and ya know I pucks with the free.
What’s a SalvationKelly comeback without a challenge? I’m going to challenge myself, for the entire month of June, to write in my journal every day. I welcome you all to join me! Just stop and take a few minutes to write nothing but good things. It can be about your family, your man/woman, ya dogs/cats whatever. Step away from the world for just a few moments of the day and remember that gratitude is growth & happiness looks damn good on everyone.
Oh, did I mention... I'm back?
Peace & Hand Sanitizer XOXO,
Kelly
